Be Kind….Even to Yourself

Be Kind

Do you have a problem being kind to yourself?  I do.  It’s easier for me to encourage others than it is to lift myself up.

If you’ve read some of my past blogs, you know that at the age of 58 I made a prayerful decision (along with my husband) to actively pursue a life-long desire. . . illustrating and writing children’s picture books. I’ve been at it almost a year now, taking some classes, researching, building a portfolio, honing my skills, being part of a group of writers/illustrators.  You would think I would have moved up the ladder.  However….

Two weeks ago I was in a large book store in the children’s section looking for a birthday gift for one of my granddaughters.  When I stood surveying the wall of children’s books and seeing some wonderful treasures of beautiful illustrations, stories and indescribable talent I was suddenly overwhelmed.  Tears stung my eyes and I thought, “why does the children’s book world need the likes of my drawings or stories?  The self-doubts flooded my thoughts and I slid down the ladder.

On the ride home my husband said, ‘you’re awfully quiet…watcha’ thinking?’  I told him what happened and the question I asked, “why does the children’s book world need the likes of me?  He said, “and what was your answer to the question?”  Big help.   I expected a little more encouragement, a little more bolstering of my ego.  But his question also irritated me because I had no response.  *sigh*

For two weeks the question has plagued me.  Well, truth be told – it’s the answer to the question that is haunting me.   If I can’t answer with something like, “because I have a supremely unique gift of talent, imagination and delightful insight” then maybe I don’t have what it takes.  Just because I like to draw and tell stories may not be enough if I don’t believe people will like what I do.

I’ve never been a self promoter.  I’ll show my art or stories to my family, but beyond that I’m pretty timid. When my daughter said, ‘Mom, you need to start a blog to promote yourself,’ I asked why?  and if you look at the number of posts here, you know I’m still not convinced people would really want to hear my thoughts.  I have friends and family who are all wonderfully encouraging, yet I think, ‘well, they just say nice things so they won’t hurt my feelings.’

Then today when I was emailing a completed drawing to my art class for an online critique something clicked.  The title of the drawing, “Be Kind” is from Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another…”  If another aspiring artist would have voiced the same self-doubts to me I would have been all over them with  encouragement and affirmations [kindness].  Yet I wasn’t doing that for myself.   I’m usually a glass half-full type of person, yet here I was draining my own glass with discouragement and doubt.

There are two groups to which I belong, Julie Hedlund’s 12x12x12 and Mark Mitchell’s How to be a Children’s Book Illustrator.  These groups are wonderful at promoting one another and giving encouragement and kind critique.  The level of camaraderie is only outshined by the sharing of talent and ideas.   Their cheers are genuine when someone gets a contract, wins an award, does a great illustration or gets a great idea.

So – I’ve decided, I will be kind to myself. I will emulate the colleagues I so admire and give myself affirmation and encouragement. …and if once in a while you want to send me a little kind note, or a thumbs up, I’ll accept it as real.  I am going to firmly plant my feet on the ladder rungs and keep moving up.

Now,  I have to quickly post this because I’m beginning to think it’s not very interesting, or too long,  or not something you would want to read……grrr……

So tell me how you are kind to yourself…. and If you would like to know my answer to the question, click here and go to the bottom of the post.

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12×12 1/2 Way There Blog Party

12×12 1/2 Way There Party

Is the cup half empty or half full?   Definitely 1/2 FULL!!!!  YAY!!!!  Thanks to Julie Hedlund and the awesome 12x12x12 writer’s group I have 10 picture book drafts in six months!!  Gang you are awesome!! The amount of creativity, spunk, encouragement, news, incentives and cheers just keeps rolling in.

Back in January as I was in my third month of having committed to become a children’s picture book writer/illustrator at age 58, I discovered the little blog that could.  A challenge to commit to doing 12 manuscripts in 12 months in 2012.   H-m-m-m-m…intriguing……with prizes and incentives…..super guest posts….but me???  I’m only a fledgling writer…I don’t know if I could be considered a ‘real’ writer.  Wait a minute….what’s this about pre-published writers…(does that mean the originator of 12x12x12 is not published yet?)  *Gasp* But, then,  I’m a ‘pre-published’ author  too!   What a great, positive way of looking at things!

Click here to visit other 12×12 blog parties

I’ll try this on for size!  So I signed up.  And now we’re 1/2 way there!!   Enter marching band, light the sky rockets, cue the cheerleaders!

I now actually have 10 manuscripts, including one book dummy, 2 storyboards and a list of about a dozen ideas.  In my previous three months I only had a pocket full of self doubt and not a single ‘real’ story.

12x12er’s you have touched the depths of my heart and left inkprints on my soul.  The energy of this group is a beacon to keep us on course and a light to give us hope.  Shine on and congratulations and blessings to you all for the next six months!

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Distractions? Be Free as a Beagle

Distractions or interruptions to writing or art can often be inspiration……

Today, just as I was going in to my den to work, I received a frantic call from my daughter.  Their beagle, Monk, had escaped out of the house after she had carried in groceries (the door had not closed all the way).  She has 3 children 3 and under.  They live on a very busy street.  The beagle will not come when called.  Retrieving him was not going to be easy.    I told her I would be right over (they only live 3 miles away).  I scribbled a note for my husband, Tom, grabbed my car keys, and ran out the door just as Tom came home.  He jumped in the car with me and away we went on a rescue mission.

Long story short- the beagle’s fine.  Our daughter threw the kids (well, not literally) back in the car and drove down a side road where she thought he might have run–and there he was.  She parked, jumped out and managed to grab him.  She called us on our cell phone, but we were almost there anyway–so we went on.  We were able to help cart all the kids back inside.  Felicity had peanut butter all over her face (she was eating when Monk escaped), the baby was in just a shirt and diaper (he was getting changed when the dog ran), and the oldest, Ivy, was just excited about the whole adventure.

And Monk…..he tried to escape twice more while we were there.  He’s a good dog with the kids – but if he gets loose he’s off on a scent. Funny thing, part of the shopping trip included purchase of a new leash and stake out for the dog.   They have a fenced yard – but he can still wiggle under in places.  He also has to wear 2 collars when leashed because he usually squirms out of one.  The double collar system seems to work.

So what’s my point?   Another work day interruption turned into enjoying smiles and giggles from the grandkids.  And when I returned back to my art table – all I had in my mind’s eye was a picture of a very care free beagle bounding through a field – not a care or worry plaguing him.   It wasn’t my planned work for the day but it was too vivid to resist painting.  It was the quickest and easiest rendering I’ve done in a while.

So – I say put your nose to the ground and follow the scent, er….the inspiration where it takes you.  Distractions can be refreshing.

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